Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
