Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
