Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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