We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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