Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
