she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
