I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
