on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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