he thought i was a dude.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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