ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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