Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
