:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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