he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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