I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
