Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
