just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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