we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
