More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
