Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The air was thick with penises
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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