I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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