y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
