please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
