his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
