mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
