I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
