just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
