Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
