I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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