RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
