the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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