I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
