Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
why is half of my head shaved?
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