i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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