Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
