when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
