your parents love me but you hate me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
