i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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