have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
