Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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