im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
