I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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