I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
