did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
