I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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