I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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