you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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