The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
