I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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