Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
