The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
