he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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