i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
