being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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