If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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