better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
