I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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