What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
